Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Promises

I always said that trusting God is the hardest part of life. He carried me through all these sober years safely and I remain relatively unscathed. Nothing really bad has happened since I turned myself over to His care.

But....when He seems to be pointing down a path to better things, I balk, I am afraid to follow His direction. This is all code for... me trying to let go of my teaching job, and stepping off into the darkness of trying to be fully self supporting with my writing and acting alone.

The theater doesn't seem to much interested in my input at the school, or making sure I am
able to pay my bills.

The new play is shaping up great, and I am ready to have a reading very soon, but ever since
I crashed into depression after Godshow closed, I have been blocking my ability to dream again,
or should I say trust my own hopes and goals,
and that little voice that always told me that I was gonna be a star...even if it would take a long time.

So God, just in case you read blogs,
please allow me the opportunities to work
in my field, and stand between me and my fears.
I must remember you are my loving Father, and that you want me
to be ecstatic and well provided for.

Please take my will in matters of my career and money,
and show me what You would have me be, and help me to let go.


David August said...

Thank you. Thank you for writing this.

Geli Girl said...

Hello, I just wanted to say that I've been reading your blog and that I like it a lot. (I posted the film that Ben made of you a while ago on my blog. I hope you don't mind.)