Success as I see it.

Fame is not the goal.

The truth of what success is in the long term is...success is healthy survival against the odds, while living a real life on the ground, with the rest of us, with a partner and friends,and hopefully children...

and not to die alone, that is the goal.

What most young artists see is a glittering lie.

FAME is a fantasy word, a lie.

What is really there... is a long hard road with crazy odds, and we cannot see the pain, & hardships to come.

The fact that a lot of your idols in show business

from just a few years ago are broke financially and

spiritually or probably will be in the next few years.

Hang on to your life RIGHT NOW...and live what is right in front of you.

Stay out of fantasies of what is going on in the lives of well known people...

and pray to God you never become one.

Well known people are not happier than you.

You will not become a better person if you become well known or wealthy,

nor will you find any more peace than you can find right now.

Just work and be good to each other and if someone is in trouble... offer help

and if you are in trouble ....do not be afraid to go and seek professional help.

In this day and age seeking mental health help is completely acceptable and encouraged.

Express and name your true feelings.

Identify your fears attempt to stop the cycle of poor parenting.

If you fall... get back up, ...when you can,... and walk again

Faith

Last night I wrote a prayer to God about my career. I read the comments and I am already feeling God's strength from supportive positive artists who understand. I am posting this clip from Shift, because I must remind myself what God has already done for me, and what He continues to plan for me.

Here's the story of Shift: A former student sent a tape of Godshow to the director of this film (Jonathan Yi). It's a beautiful simple tale of Jonathan's early struggles with being an artist in a Chinese culture in America. A culture that didn't look at artwork as a "real job", and how Jonathan maintained his vision throughout. It's beautifully acted by Aldous Davidson and several non actor Chinese men who were a blast to work with.

They flew me to NY and scheduled the shoot around me. They paid me 200 a day, gave me second billing, the film won several awards, and was seen in several cities here and abroad. I slept on the floor in a young artists apartment, replete with a young dancer, and an actress, and the producer of Shift. He had been sober since he was thirteen, now twenty three. We shot from 11pm til dawn every night. The crew were all friends of the director from NYU Film Dept. I helped pack and unpack each night. It was like I was a young artist too...I really was because this was my first major role in an independent film of weight and merit.

When I saw this scene in the film, I suddenly realized that God had given me a moment of glory and joy, with music and real rain and real actors and a real director that had hired me from an audition tape from a show I wrote.

GOD DOES SUPPLY ME WITH ALL I NEED...I just have to use my faith to remember this has all happened and that He is planning more for me if I make myself ready and available for the opportunities when they present themselves. I must not be blinded by seeming tough times. God loves me and He loves you too. I must keep my eyes and heart on my original dream of being working artist with a message...and that I am already a star.

The Promises

I always said that trusting God is the hardest part of life. He carried me through all these sober years safely and I remain relatively unscathed. Nothing really bad has happened since I turned myself over to His care.

But....when He seems to be pointing down a path to better things, I balk, I am afraid to follow His direction. This is all code for... me trying to let go of my teaching job, and stepping off into the darkness of trying to be fully self supporting with my writing and acting alone.

The theater doesn't seem to much interested in my input at the school, or making sure I am

able to pay my bills.

The new play is shaping up great, and I am ready to have a reading very soon, but ever since

I crashed into depression after Godshow closed, I have been blocking my ability to dream again,

or should I say trust my own hopes and goals,

and that little voice that always told me that I was gonna be a star...even if it would take a long time.

So God, just in case you read blogs,

please allow me the opportunities to work

in my field, and stand between me and my fears.

I must remember you are my loving Father, and that you want me

to be ecstatic and well provided for.

Please take my will in matters of my career and money,

and show me what You would have me be, and help me to let go.

Willis is my kitty-cat.

Willis is my kitty-cat, Willis is my friend.
As you can see, he is very furry and mink colored.
Well to be completely honest,
Willis is on loan from the Pamela collection of pets.

I fell in love with him and she let me take him to my house...where he has lived in comfortable retirement ever since. Willis loves to sit in the sun, he rolls around when he is happy, and he kisses me on command when I whistle, rather he nibbles on my nose.

He gets treats most everyday he loves soft liver treats,he also gets a little of my smoothy, and he also gets a little smoked turkey when I am making my lunch.

He sleeps right next to my head and wakes me with a little wet nose kiss every morning. I love Willis, and I love my Pam for letting me borrow him, he has changed my life. He is my muse.

Tim O a short film by Ben Shearn

I shot this film with Ben in 2005. Pam always points out that my sarcasm in the film is not the true me...she reminds me I was in a depression and working hard to get through it.

Ben got sober shortly after this was made...it's another "godshow" miracle story, he's got three years now and we are best of friends, besides I am his relentless sponsor.

Seriously, Ben is a great hard working sponsee, and he helps me immensely with my whole life, and he encourages my writing, which makes me love him. He's gonna sell a screenplay one of these days out in L.A. and I will be like a proud daddy.

I became best friends with his way cool hippie parents Peg and Don. Don cowrote the screenplay for Godshow with me. Peg is an awesome artist and she helps me by listening to me weekly on the phone, and me and Pam meet them for dinner once a month to comiserate and laugh about the journey.

I think this film is a tiny masterpiece, not becuz I am the subject, but for the hard questions Ben threw at me and the struggle to be honest, and becuz of the multi-camera use and superb cutting by Dan Kullman. Special thanks to Nic DeGrazia and Bitter Jester Productions.

Wisebear Writes Sept 8

Hello All, My first real blog entry, on a real blog site. Trying to figure out how to create and rss feed. It's early Monday morning 230 am...will write more soon. Hooray I'm a bloggin'.